(51) Respond with the Conduct of Christ - Forbearance

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another . . . (Colossians 3:12-13 NET)

“Bearing with one another” means “hold yourselves back from one another” or “put up with one another.” Forbearance is the restraint that we practice when we possess a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. The way Paul writes this in the Greek conveys the thought that forbearance is to be continual and reciprical.

Paul urged us to be forbearing with one another. To forebear has the negative meaning, “to refrain or abstain,” or “to control oneself.” But it also has the positive meaning of bearing one, or carrying. Thus one translator substitutes “affirming” for fore-bearing in this text. We are forbearing when we affirm, when we value and respect another. – Maxie D. Dunnam

We have already considered our natural tendency when people get us discouraged. We naturally gravitate toward criticizing them, complaining, getting annoyed and impatient. We have already considered some important attitudes needed to combat these reactions. Here is where action comes in.

When we bear with others, we will hold back our criticisms, complaints, and irritation, and impatience. We will first correct our attitude and thinking, and then we will control our actions.

But, as Maxie Dunnam points out, there is a positive aspect to this as well. We control our negative, harmful responses and instead, we will positively offer encouragement, affirmation, and respect. When people get us down, we need to focus on lifting them up. Perhaps if we get back to putting ourselves in their shoes and attempt to understand their life circumstances, we will see them in a different light and find something in them to affirm. Perhaps we can find a way to come along side them to encourage them in their area of weakness that gets us discouraged. If we are humble enough, we just might actually find ourselves respecting them for overcoming challenges in their lives to do as good as they are in spite of obstacles.

The next time you are tempted to become discouraged with someone and give up on them, clothe yourself with forbearance. Pray for God to help you to see concrete and specific ways you can encourage and affirm them, and perhaps even discover some respect for them. You might be surprised what God can do starting with you, if you’re willing.
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Next: (52) Respond with the Conduct of Christ - Forgiveness

(50) Reflect the Character of Christ - Gentleness & Patience

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others.  (Colossians 3:12-13 NET)

But it can be difficult to keep your composure when people let you down, make costly mistakes, or just keep seeming to make a mess of their lives.  We can become discouraged very quickly.  And along with the discouragement often comes impatience, irritability, and a harsh, edginess in our interaction with them.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with . . . gentleness or meekness. Gentleness.  Not our first reaction when we become annoyed and discouraged by the people around us.  That’s why Paul challenges to “put it on.”

Gentleness is staying calm when you feel like getting hot.  It is a consideration of others that leads to a willingness to compromise, make concessions and even suffer injury rather than inflict it.   Gentleness springs from a willingness to let go of your rights for the good of others.  The opposites of gentleness is being assertive, controlling, overbearing, pushy.

It is the humble heart which is also the meek; and which, as such, does not fight against God, and more or less struggle and contend with Him. This meekness, however, being first of all a meekness before God, is also such in the face of men, even of evil men, out of a sense that these, with the insults and injuries which they may inflict, are permitted and employed by God for the chastening and purifying of His elect. –  Kenneth Wuiest

We need to remember that God is really in control.  Really, He is.  He could change our circumstances, even as it relates to the actions of people around us.  If He chooses not to, we need to let go, and not try to take His place, assert our authority, become overbearing and pushy and make the change ourselves. When we take it upon ourselves to change everyone around us and get people to think like us and do as we do, we assume the place of God and we will be plagued by irritation and discouragement.  We will be far less prone to discouragement with others when we learn to let go, stop trying to be God in their lives, stop sweating the small stuff, and stop trying to get people to be and do like us.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with . . . patience.  Because who doesn’t need patience in dealing with sinful, fallen humanity?  All of us do because we are quick to accept our weakness and failures but very quick to become impatient with others.

Peter T. O’Brien explains that patience carries the idea of longsuffering which endures wrong and puts up with the exasperating conduct of others rather than flying into a rage or desiring vengeance.  When you want it to happen NOW or you want them to change NOW you will face discouragement OFTEN.  In order to have victory over discouragement with others, we need to have an attitude of patience with the mistakes and failures of others, willing to stick with them as they change, grow, and improve.

Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath, close our eyes, and picture the times when we didn’t have it all together (as though we do now!).  Maybe we have achieved a measure of proficiency, stability, accomplishment and sound wisdom, but we weren’t always this way.  And someone at sometime surely had to be patient with us.

Gentleness and patience are founded on humility and built on submission to the sovereign working of God.  You’re not God.  You’re not perfect.  Remind yourself of these two important truths and you will go a long way to gaining victory over discouragement with others.

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Next: (51) Respond with the Conduct of Christ - Forbearance 

(49) Reflect the Character of Christ - Kindness & Humility

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others. (Colossians 3:12-13 NET)

The second character quality Paul mentions is kindness. Kindness will always flow out of a heart of compassion. Here in Colossians three, Paul uses a word that he most often uses to speak of God’s kindness toward His people. The implication is clear. Our kindness toward others should be a reflection of the kindness we receive from God. It is a gracious, active, righteous kindness.

When we become frustrated and annoyed with others and begin to be discouraged, we need to refocus. Instead of focusing on their weaknesses and failures that get me discouraged, I need to choose to focus on acts of kindness I can do to help them. Being focused on being actively kind to others will go a very long way to leading us to victory over discouragement with them.

But having a heart of compassion and expressing it through acts of kindness isn’t easy when someone has let me down. And so, Paul tells us we also need humility. Humility is built on a proper recognition of where we come from and who we are before God.

There is an earthiness about this word. “Humus” is the root word for earth and out of that root the word ?humble? comes. It has the dimension of meaning “of the earth.”

The humble know who they are. Humility has nothing to do with self-depreciation, or cowering back, nothing to do with self-disgust at our shabby lives; nor is it a downcast, brow-beaten stance. The humble know who they are in relation to God and other persons. – Maxie Dunnam

In his song, “Made to Worship.” Chris Tomlin states it so clearly. “All we are and all we have is all a gift of God that we receive.” We are what we are by the grace of God alone.

We get irritated and discouraged because we rely on them for things and they don’t come through. They make mistakes, do annoying things, they blow it. They don’t keep their promises, forget, fail and frustrate. But, all the while, we do the very same things! Who’s irritated and discouraged with or failures?

Victory over discouragement with others requires that I get rid of any pride and arrogance that leads me to think I am better than them. An inflated view of myself and my abilities is a sure prescription for discouragement with others. Let’s give them the same patience, understanding, and slack we want given to us!

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Next: (50) Reflect the Character of Christ - Gentleness, Meekness & Patience

(48) Reflect the Character of Christ - Compassion

The next thing we need to do to get victory over discouragement with others is to determine to demonstrate the character of Christ. In the passage we have been studying, Paul has reminded us of our high calling in Christ. After this, Paul sets forth several critical character qualities we will need in high measure when people disappoint us and we are tempted toward discouragement.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others. (Colossians 3:12-13 NET)

Because we are God’s elect, those He has chosen to be His children, those who hold a high calling, those who represent Him, we must “clothe” ourselves with certain character qualities. To clothe ourselves gives us the picture of complete covering. We should be immersed in these qualities, saturated with them. Just as clothing is seen by all who look at us, so these qualities should be very evident to others. We are to adorn our character with qualities that visibly and tangibly display the reality of Christ within us. All of these qualities have to do with relationships and are particularly important when people fail us.

Paul begins by telling us to clothe ourselves with a “heart of mercy.” This could also be translated as compassion. The King James version has it as “bowels of mercy.” This is genuine, heartfelt compassion, that finds its root in the core of our being to the extent that we are moved to action.

Compassion begins in the heart and moves to the hands. It is sparked by empathy – an awareness, concern, and understanding of the thoughts and feelings of another.

Compassion is critical in combating discouragement with others. I need to put myself in their shoes and really try to understand where they’re coming from and empathize with their weaknesses and limitations. I need to actively seek to see things from their perspective, from the viewpoint of their life circumstances. I need to try to understand how they might feel about things, how they might see things. I need to try to understand how their life circumstances may have contributed to the thing they did that discourages me. I need to humbly and realistically consider how I would be thinking and acting if I was in their shoes.

Have you ever heard yourself say, “I can’t understand how he could do that?” Are you quickly frustrated and irritated with the mistakes and failures of others? Are you critical and impatient? If your answer is “Yes,” to any of these questions, you need to pause and put on a heart of compassion.

When I have a heart of compassion for the weaknesses and difficult life circumstances of others, I will be far less likely to become discouraged when those weaknesses and failures effect me. I will be much more understanding, patient, and forgiving. Let’s clothe ourselves with a heart of compassion!


Next:  (49) Reflect the Character of Christ - Kindness

(47) Remember Your Calling in Christ - Pt. 2

Paul reminds the Colossian believers that they are the “elect of God, holy and dearly loved.” He gives a similar reminder to the believers in Ephesus.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit- just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call- One Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:1-6 ESV )

Here, Paul admonishes us to walk worthy of our calling. But notice, the second word in this verse, “therefore.” Paul is basing this admonition on the calling He has described in chapters one through three.

In the first three chapters of Ephesians, Paul has described all the wonderful blessings we have received in Christ as a gift of God’s amazing grace. We didn’t do anything to receive our salvation or all God’s blessing that comes with it. If there is any good in us, it is a gift of God’s grace.

Paul goes on from there to marvel over the mystery of the Church, the joining of Jew and gentile in one Body. God has joined not just Jew and gentile, but also male and female, slave and free, people from vastly different cultures and backgrounds together in the Body of Christ. This is an amazing mystery that is so clearly experienced whenever you travel to another part of the world and meet believers. You immediately feel a bond that is inexplicable except by the beauty of Christ in us and we, together in Christ.

Now, after exploring this wealth of blessing and beauty that has been graciously given to us, then, Paul says, walk worthy of this! How do you walk worthy of such incredible blessing in Christ and in the Body of Christ?

We will answer than question shortly, but first, we must again remind ourselves of our calling. This is such a critical step in gaining victory over discouragement with others. We must fucus on our high calling in Christ. This is a calling we have received by grace and grace alone. It is a calling that puts us in unity with every other believer in the Body of Christ. A unity we must guard, preserve and protect.

The first step in gaining victory over discouragement with other believers involves choosing to look at them through God’s eyes. We must stop, take a step back and choose to look at our fellow believers as our brothers and sisters who we are called to encourage, minister with, fellowship with and love. We must look at the big picture: the testimony of Christ before the lost world and the growth of the Body of Christ is at stake.

We cannot stop loving them. God doesn’t stop loving us does He? We cannot stop ministering to them. God never stops ministering to us does He? We cannot stop serving alongside them. God continues to use us when we continually fail doesn’t He? We cannot give up on them. God doesn’t give up on us does He? God has high hopes for us – in fact, He guarantees our progress (Phil. 1:6). Can we dare loose hope for others without dishonoring God?

We must focus on these truths when we are tempted toward discouragement with a brother or sister. We must fear dishonoring the high calling we have in Christ. And if we give in to discouragement, if we loose hope for them, if we act negatively toward them, if we stop loving, serving, and encouraging them, we are in fact dishonoring our mutual calling.

Next: (48)  Reflect the Character of Christ

(46) Remember Your Calling in Christ

As we continue to consider how to get victory over discouragement with others, I believe it would be helpful to be reminded of our three keys to victory over any discouragement: fear, focus, and faith. We must fear God in that we have a deep reverence for Him and passion for honoring Him. We fear dishonoring Him before others. We must remain focused on God, the principles of His Word, and the big picture of His sovereign plan and eternity. We must have faith. Faith that God is indeed in control, has a perfect plan for our lives, graciously supplies all the strength we need to honor Him in every circumstance of life, and will work these circumstances for our good and His glory. We will continually return to these three keys as we further discuss gaining victory over discouragement with others.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if someone happens to have a complaint against anyone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also forgive others. (Colossians 3:12-13 NET)

We begin with an issue of focus. Paul reminds us in these verses to focus on who we are in Christ. He reminds us that we are “the elect of God” or “chosen of God” depending on your translation. He also describes us as “holy and dearly loved”. These descriptions are humbling and exalting at the same time. They emphasize God’s call of the believer from the mass of lost humanity to be His specially loved people. This is true for every believer, even the ones who cause us the most discouragement. When we are discouraged with another believer, we need to remind ourselves of these truths. We must focus on these truths and we must also fear dishonoring these truths.

Paul reminds us of what we have in common. We are all saved by grace, brought into relationship with God as part of the same family. When struggling with discouragement with other believers, we need to focus on our high calling as God’s people and fear dishonoring our calling. We must have a holy fear of not showing the character of Christ before our brothers and sisters and the unbelieving world. Remember, Jesus said one of the distinguishing marks of believers in the eyes of the lost would be our love for one another.

Paul also says we are “holy”. This means we are set apart to live exclusively for God’s purposes and for His glory. It means maintaining moral purity and living out the character of Christ in our relationships with others.

I know for me, many times my discouragement with others is self-centered. I am discouraged because they have let me down, made mistakes that frustrate me, or in some cases have hurt me in some way. I’m discouraged by this when my focus in on my comfort and how I want things to be. But, being called out of the world and called to God means we no longer live for ourselves, but “for Him who died and gave His life for us” (2 Cor. 5:15). This is an exclusive calling we’ve been called to. Living exclusively for God, His purposes, desires, and glory, means I am not living for mine. When people get me discouraged by their behavior because it makes me uncomfortable, I need to remind myself that I am not here for my comfort. I am here, exclusively, for God’s glory. I cannot let them get me down or impact my behavior in any way that I dishonor our mutual calling in Christ.


Next: (47) Remember Your Calling in Christ - Pt. 2

(45) Defeating Discouragement With Others - Introduction

It’s a fact of life . . . people let us down! We rely on them for things and they don’t come through. They make mistakes, do annoying things, they blow it. They don’t keep their promises, forget, fail and frustrate. They don’t do things the way we would like them to do them. They don’t think the way we think.

And so we can become frustrated by other people . . . irritated . . . impatient . . . discouraged. Sometimes we feel like it’s no use trying because other people just keep seeming to blow it. So, how do we get victory over this frustration, irritation, impatience and discouragement?

Let me begin with some very important biblical principles for dealing with discouragement due to the behavior of unbelievers. Most of us rub shoulders with unbelievers every day and sometimes it can be quite a rub!

I have found that sometimes, believers forget the heart condition of unbelievers. It seems as though sometimes we expect them to act like we would expect believers to act. This is an unrealistic and unbiblical expectation. Scripture teaches us to expect something totally different.. It tells us that the unregenerate human nature of man desires the things that are opposed to what the Spirit of God desires (Gal. 5:17). So, if we as regenerate, born-again believers are being led by the Spirit, we will be opposed by unbelievers.

The truth is, scripture paints a very bleak picture when it comes to unbelievers and their behavior. They are, “following the course of this world, following Satan, living according to the passions of their fallen human nature (Eph. 2:2-3)” They can’t understand spiritual things (1 Cor. 2:14) and so, when we act like Christ, they won’t understand us. Jesus said, “"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first (John 15:18).”

Some of our greatest hurts come because of unrealistic expectations. If we have more realistic expectations we will face less disappointment, irritation and discouragement. Even believers will not always act in godly ways. If we expect unbelievers to act in godly ways we are going to be hurt . . . often. We cannot expect unbelievers to act like believers. They will resist and reject us because they resist and reject Jesus. When we expect unbelievers to act like believers we set ourselves up for great frustration and discouragement if not resentment, bitterness, and anger.

One of the keys to victory over discouragement with the behavior of unbelievers is to adjust our expectations and bring them in line with scripture. Determine to love them, share Christ with them, demonstrate the character of Christ to them. Expect them to resist, reject and act ungodly. And as they do reject, resist and act in ungodly ways toward you, be determined to keep loving them and showing them Christ.

Next: (46) Remember Your Calling In Christ

(44) Defeating Discouragement With Ourselves – Conclusion

So what does it take to keep going when you fell like you can’t seem to make a difference? Let me summarize with four key principles from scripture we must embrace.

I can have victory over discouragement in ministry when . . .

➊ I define success in ministry in keeping with the Word of God.

The Word of God teaches me to focus on unwavering faithfulness to God and growth in honoring God. The Word of God teaches me to determine my success by the reality of changed lives rather than large crowds.

The only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves. Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you. Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This "letter" is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts. (2 Corinthians 3:2-3 NLT)

I can have victory over discouragement in ministry when . . .

➋ I determine to fulfill my God-given ministry in submission to the will of God to honor and please Him, not man.

I must determine that I am going to be obedient to God above all others, seeking and following His plan and methods. Whenever I get excessively focused on pleasing people I am in grave danger of compromising the Word of God, disobeying the will of God, and falling into discouragement.  My ultimate and governing passion must be to be pleasing to God, not man.

Am I now trying to gain the approval of people, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ! (Galatians 1:10 NET)

I can have victory over discouragement in ministry when . . .

➌ I choose to accept and be content with the gifts and abilities God has given me without coveting or being jealous of the gifts He has given others.

There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. . . . It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have. (1 Corinthians 12:4-7, 11 NLT )

Any coveting of the gifts of another, any jealousy over their success is an indication that there is something wrong in my heart. I am saying that God doesn’t know what He is doing, that He has made a mistake. I am showing the roots of selfishness and pride.

I can have victory over discouragement in ministry when . . .

➍ I diligently serve in ministry, dependent on the power of God and fully confident in His grace to do the work of God.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me– and I in him– bears much fruit, because apart from me you can accomplish nothing.” (John 15:5 NET)

How do I know if I am abiding? How do I know if I am truly depending on God and not trusting my own thinking or ability? Let me suggest a test to answer these questions. Ask yourself the question, What am I praying about? You see, prayer is a big indicator of our dependance on God. I don’t pray about and seek God for wisdom and strength for the things I am depending on myself for. If I say I am depending on God for my ministry but spend little time praying about it, the truth is I am relying on myself, not God. And I will remain in discouragement. Sobering thoughts. Think about it.
 
Next:  (45)  Defeating Discouragement With Others - Introduction

(43) Where do I find strength to serve when I feel like I’m all used up?

Let’s be honest, all of us who have been involved in ministry to any extent and for any length of time have had times when we felt like we just didn’t have the energy or the will to keep going. There are times when you just feel spent! There’s nothing left to give.

This can happen for a number of reasons. It can be a matter of physical fatigue where the primary solution may just be a little R&R. It may be because of challenges in ministry – unmet expectations and disappointments, people resistant to the Word of God, opposition, petty criticisms, even family demands. Most often there is a mixture of spiritual and physical exhaustion working together.

You may need a little break to get some rest, but you also need to refocus. You need to get your thoughts focused on a great and glorious God and the promises of His Word. Carefully consider what Paul says:

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. (1 Corinthians 15:10 ESV)

Easy for Paul to say, he was so successful in ministry, right? Wrong! Oh yes, he did see success, and had a tremendous impact on his world for Christ, but don’t forget the failures and setbacks! Remember, Paul was kicked out of cities, beaten, imprisoned. It might be an interesting debate whether Paul was received or rejected more. But what does he say here? He tells us that he kept going and worked hard, by the grace of God. Paul didn’t do it on his own. He did it in the strength supplied to him by God.

The duties God requires of us are not in proportion to the strength we possess in ourselves. Rather, they are proportional to the resources available to us in Christ. We do not have the ability in ourselves to accomplish the least of God's tasks. This is a law of grace. When we recognize it is impossible for us to perform a duty in own strength, we will discover the secret of its accomplishment. – John Owen

Remember what Jesus said about this?

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. 5"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. (John 15:4-5 NAU)

OK, so that’s Paul. He had a special measure of God’s grace on his life, that’s what kept him going, right? Wrong again! Look what he says to the Corinthian believers:

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8 ESV)

Check this out. Paul didn’t have any more grace available to him to do what God wanted him to do than you and I have to do what God wants us to do. In whatever it is that God wants you to do, He will also supply all you need to do it. Oh, and by the way, He will even work in you to give you the will power to do it! Look what Paul tells us in Philippians 2:13. I will list it in three different translations so you can really get the depth of what he is saying.

For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13 NAU)

For it is God who is the cause of your desires and of your acts, for his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13 BBE)

It is God who produces in you the desires and actions that please him. (Philippians 2:13 GWN)

With all this biblical truth in mind, let’s consider three principles for serving when we feel like giving up:

➊ Determine to trust God and believe His promise to give you the desire and the ability to do His will.

➋  Determine to abide in intimate personal fellowship with Christ through a lifestyle of worship, Bible study, and prayer.

➌  Determine to choose to be faithful in the ministry God has given you, serving to the best of your ability, pursuing growth and excellence.